Heartbreak is a funny thing.

So I have a very great family, we are all very close.We live however all over the place,my closest relatives by distance is my old man and my ma, 150 miles or so, the complete opposite coast to where I live now, sunny Scarborough. Then there’s my sis, she is up in Newcastle studying teaching. Then there’s more distant relatives dotted about, Glasgow, Hull, Leeds….Spain.

But yeah, they are the best, we are quite an outgoing loud bunch, we love a drink, we have no secrets. Well most of the time, i’m quite reserved about my life and I hate my mum being nosy. Especially when she’s facetiming me when i’m blind drunk with all sorts going on around me, that’s a different story that I don’t know if or when I could share.

So last month I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend, yeah she was a nice girl, yeah I loved her and yeah I still want her to be as happy as possible now, we had lots of issues, well not us per say, she was dealing with a lot and it rubbed off on me, me being the nice guy tolerated too much for too long and it was ultimately time to call it a day, rip off the band-aid and move on, hate dealing with awkward situations because it can get me so down after a while being alone but I get over it, i’m quite resilient. I have dealt with it a few times in the past from a few other long term relationships and even an engagement which went south for the best I realise now.

But now, my sister has gone through it for the first time, I mean shes not a kid anymore but she is my little sister, she’s a fucking nightmare, and we bicker all the time when we spend more than a day together, but I hate nothing more in this world than seeing that girl cry, I hate it, I have told her it will all get better, there will be someone else, all the cliches. It will in the end, a phrase of mine that i really like is:

“Everything is OK in the end, if it’s not OK it’s not the end.”

Pretty sure I got that from an ex way back in college or something, i’m not too sure but it’s stuck with me, probably because its true.

I don’t even think i’m capable of crying, like the last time I can remember was when my great-granda died when i was a kid at school, probably about 13/14. Nothing really gets to me that hard, i’m a numb horrible bastard haha. I joke I do get upset, annoyed and occasionally very low but i’m human after all. I have gone through a lot, heartbreak, stress, not knowing if i will have a place to live etc, genuinely hard stuff, but i get through it all, i’m strong, and i’m far too a positive person to be down for long.

Music is the best outlet for me, like really really depressing songs make me feel better, they might be suppressing all my pain, but I feel so good after listening to music that isn’t happy crap. Lyrics are the most important factor for me. Biffy Clyro are my favourite band and their lyrics are so smooth and beautiful and a lot are just filled with pain and suffering, but they have lots of beautiful moments too.

Pop-punk music really helps me aside from Biffy though, angsty teens, thinking the worlds over like we all did, especially when we were kids and had something slightly bad happen to us. Then there is like spoken word rap/poetry type music. Sage Francis has this song called the best of times, personally it describes everything I have gone through in life, at least to some extent, so the lyrics really get to me and that’s what helps me stay happy, it has the negative effect that it should on me, where as i guess a lot of people just sob relentlessly into their pillows, howling at these types of songs. I envy these people, i have days where i’d love to just breakdown and have a good cry, I just don’t think i’m capable, i’m empty.

So yeah, heartbreak is a funny one, once you have dealt with it a few times it gets easier, this is me talking though, i’m a heartless fuck, it’s probably just as hard every time for anyone else, I just need evaluating haha. Bit of advice for you all live your life day by day, don’t get jealous, and don’t fucking check up on your exes on social media it helps nothing.

Peace ❤

T.

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