The final step, now I am ready.

So it’s been a month now since me and the ex broke up, I feel alright, surprisingly. Usually after a break up I am a huge mess, listening to the lowest music I can conjure up, which is my usual taste in music anyway. This time though I have kept myself occupied, I have loads of great people around me, my friends from work, uni, my flatmate and my family. They have all kept my mind off the elephant in the room, i’m grateful for it, so, so grateful.

It has been two years since I have experienced a breakup, that tough on me, I was engaged that time, not making that mistake again. But this time was different because we lived together. It is fucking awkward, like it’s my flat, I pay the rent, the bills, for all the food, Netflix the works. But like how the hell do you get rid of someone you live with? Not easily. Or happily for that matter.

So slowly we fell out anyway, I got annoyed at her not pulling her weight with the rent and all the other bills, hell I even ended up paying her phone bills and college fees some months, I am the biggest fucking mug, all in the name of love? No. I’m an idiot. I asked her to move back in with her mum, fair right, yes it is because a few weeks previous when I asked for some money that I had lent her, her mum butted in and said. “oh you cant be expected to pay bills and things while you aren’t working <ex girlfriend>” …… I was shocked beyond disbelief, are you completely de-fucking-luded woman, of course she is expected to pay her way, this is real fucking life. If I stop working I still have bills. I’ll explain. <ex girlfriend> had a job, hell she still has it now, she opted out of working anymore because she was depressed, I mean I have a got of time for people with this kind of thing, it’s not their fault, but it doesn’t help them get any better by enabling them, her folks told her not to quit her job or she wont get benefits from the government, so she got a doctors notes and is playing the long game, fuck off. What a fucking world we live in when your parents are your worst examples in life.

I apologise that turned a bit sour, but it really did get to me, that day with her mum was the turning point for me, the end, I had tried for months and months to pick <ex-girlfriend> back up, back on the straight and narrow, but it was her dysfunctional family that made it just not worth it in the end. That doesn’t make me a bad person though right? I tried, and i’m only young, there is so much I want to do in life, all cliche shit but I wanna travel, so the week after we split up I bought flights to Thailand, probably impulsive but i’m so lit for it right now.

I’m ready to go and do my things, I don’t intend to move on to any other girls anytime soon, well no girlfriend, if it happen it happens, but i’m happy just chilling, me doing me, ticking off my list of wants rather than me ticking off other peoples. One thing I certainly will not be doing is getting tinder again, screw that circus.

I almost forgot to write about why I am ready, I just went into such fury. Today was my day off work so I have been down at the docks here in Liverpool with a good book and my music and reconciled. I got back home and I have rearranged my bedroom, it’s my room now, not mine and my exes, I also threw out all her shit, there’s nothing here now to link me to her or her negative effects on my life. I am ready to move on and there is no going back.

Sorry for the little rant.

T.

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